No More Curls

It happened one fine Friday at work,
Someone said my hair looked like a mullet,

Now that made me sensitive,
and made me a little sullen,

So you know what I did?

I stomped my feet and kicked in the door,
Ran my way across that shiny floor,
To the barber chair, and sat and yelled,
Get out them clippers and shave my head!

Riddle Me This....

I got a question, and I need an answer now,
Don't lie to me or play games with your mouth,

I'm hardcore right now and I've been getting drunk (whiskey),
I'll guillotine chop you and scissor kick you punk (sissy),

I've been listening to gangster rap all day,
Wu Tang Clan repeating on my iPod, it's crazy,

I'm on edge right now and I need to know,
Why do you have Winnie the Pooh on....your.....
car....window?!!!!

The PMS song

(This song is not about anyone I know)

I wrote a whole song about PMS,
but I ain't taking my life in my hands,

The end.

Man With His Remote

I have cable television supplied by a company called Cox.
200 or so channels I watch when I'm home non-stop.

However I have this issue, some call it a disorder,
Short attention span, oh look puppy, a glass of water,

Watching Hillbilly Handfishin' or some other show,
Go to commercial, and that's when my issues blow....

Click, click, click with the remote, change the channel,
Look there's a commercial for a shirt made of flannel,

Click, click, click with the remote, change the channel,
Look there's a TV show about really cute animals,

Now doctors and researchers say clickin's an issue,
That men do it for reasons, for what I cannot construe,

All I know is the television is full of mixed messages,
Politics, and comedy and reality show challenges,

Watching Hillbilly Handfishin' or some other show,
Go to commercial, and that's when my issues blow....

Click, click, click with the remote, change the channel,
Look there's a re-run of the NBC show Manimal,

Click, click, click with the remote, change the channel,
Look there's a TV show about A.D.D.

The Mysterious Co-Worker Dance

One Friday morning I was getting a cup of coffee,
Trying to find motivation and energy,

Sipping my coffee, I mean my Americano,
I decided to visit my co-worker, ya know,

It was a social gathering in that office,
I decided to stay a while and visit,

One of my co-workers, she suddenly laughed,
Laughed so hard at something I was aghast,

It was the mysterious co-worker dance,
Something so funny, I didn't get a chance,

Was it the robot or did he pop it and lock it?
I know he didn't cabbage patch it or I would have....

Joined in.....

Pants

I need pants,
I don't need denim,

It's getting cold,
so I need to be in 'em,

Not khaki, slacks
or polyester,

Something nice,
so I will look fresher,

Than you,
I'm deeper than Freud,

I need pants that are
called corduroy,

They make noise,
when I walk,

Like my legs,
are starting to talk,

Conversing, with you girl,
about my pants,

Does this corduroy,
look good on my......

Tattooed Face

Driving home the long way on Highway 29,
Gold teeth gleaming in the sunshine,

Across the divided lines homey, I did spy,
The prettiest little thing driving right by,

She rode shotgun in a Ford Fiesta, maroon, the color,
The car shot out smoke, hence the real bad odor,

We stopped at a light and I checked her out,
Trying to see if she was hot, and what she was about,

Much to my surprise, I did see,
A frightening sight, not sure to please,

Hey there tattooed face,
What's going on?

Hey there tattoed face,
How'd you get those stars?

Hey there tattooed face,
I know what you might like,

Hey there tattooed face,
I think I'll like you from afar,

Wondering why you got that crap on your face,
Rainbows and stars are cool, in the sky, the proper place,

But on your face, girl, what the hell you thinkin'
Lucky Charms vomited on your face, you musta been drinkin',

If I could learn you something this is what I'd say,
If you're gonna tattoo your face, don't do it for play,

Put some thought into you what you're gonna do,
Because if you don't, some fool will write a song about you,

Hey there tattooed face,
What's going on?

Hey there tattoed face,
How'd you get those stars?

Hey there tattooed face,
I know what you might like,

Hey there tattooed face,
I think I'll like you from afar,